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Episode 28: How to Harness Self Talk and Show Up

How to harness your self-talk and start showing up

This podcast will help you harness your self talk and start showing up more intentionally and consistently?

I grew up in a household where ‘it’s too hard’ and ‘I can’t be bothered’ were commonplace, so this has been my default language for so long.

What that sort of self-talk means is that you’re letting yourself off the hook for the work you need to do.


Don’t let a bad hair day hold you back!

Let’s say you wake up and discover you’re having a bad hair day, but you have a client meeting to show up for later.  You might tell yourself that you ‘can’t be bothered’ washing your hair, but you also know it’s an important part of being professional.

In that case, you need to be proactive; to talk yourself out of the slump so you can show up professionally and at your best.

You might say to yourself something like, “I am going to feel fresher and more professional after I’ve washed my hair”, or “clean hair gives me a more positive image when I’m at work.”

Either way, logic is helping you get over the hump of the slump.

You can have the commitment, to catch and change the self-talk that stops you from showing up.

Let’s say you have committed to showing up for 3 exercise sessions per week on Monday, Wednesday and Friday at 5pm.

Wednesday comes around and you’re tired and it’s raining. You might say to yourself “I don’t feel like workout out today, it’s too grey and gloomy.” Or maybe you say “I can’t be bothered working out today.

In this case, you could proactively change your self talk and say to yourself, “I’ll feel so great once this workout is done.” Or, “This workout is an important part of the habit-forming process.”

Or in either case, maybe the self-talk is “My future self will thank me for this.”

Give it a go. Practice changing your self talk each day for the next week, around one area that you want to show up more in your life. Then, comment below and let me know what happens.


Ready to start showing up?

You’re invited! The Habitology Membership is the perfect tool if you’re truly ready to break old habits and get out of the rut. I encourage you to check it out. Learn more here:

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Episode 27: How to Stop Failing By Showing Up.

How to stop failing and start showing up.

Is it just me, or does modern life seem to be littered with failure, angst and reactiveness?

Most of us are content and secure at a basic level in terms of our work, home, relationships, health and creative pursuits.

But if you want to make major changes in at least one of these areas, you need to learn how to give it your focus and to show up with commitment to the process of change.

The trouble is, showing up seems hard, but I think that’s mainly because we don’t identify what we truly want.

We are busy and we don’t really know our own minds so we tend to follow the masses.

And the end result is often an anticlimax because we are not pursuing what we truly want and believe in.

Why commit to the change process?

Most of us see someone who has gone through the journey – in the media or in real life – and they have achieved what seems to be an awesome outcome.

Let’s say you have met someone who lost 20kg over 12 months and has seemingly transformed their lives.

You see that success and you feel inspired, excited for them and amazed.

As a consequence of those feelings and that ‘proof’ that it’s possible to achieve such a goal, you might start to think how nice that would be to have that result and feel like that.

Then you might pick up a diet plan and an exercise DVD – without really contemplating your true commitment or desire, or having a realistic idea of what is required to get there.

And what you need to get there is grit – commitment, persistence and accountability to yourself, no matter what. You need courage and the willingness to overcome your fears.

But in the moment, you see a shiny object and race off half-cocked toward something you think you want, that you should pursue, or that would be nice to have.


If your heart isn’t in it, you will likely fail.

So right now, I’m going to invite you to put down the shiny object.

After all, shiny object syndrome is an SOS – a call for help.

Instead, I’m going to invite you to do a little soul-searching.

I’m going to take you through a process of defining what you want and then deciding whether it’s worth pursuing or not – enough that you could commit to focusing on it and persisting for long enough to get a result.

Here’s how it works.

Look at the wheel of life below.

Rate your satisfaction out of 10 for each area on the wheel. Notice how bumpy or smooth the wheel is, and which areas are higher or lower.

What stands out for you?

Now, see if any areas of your life rate less than 6/10. If they do, they are probably things that are important enough for you to do something about.

Pick ONE of those areas.

Now dig a little deeper.

What is it about that area that makes you unsatisfied?

How important is that to resolve on a scale of 1 – 10?

If your score is >7/10, then that area is probably important enough for you to pursue and persist with, no matter what.

The higher your importance rating, the more likely you will succeed.

Now get really clear and specific about the outcome you expect, the amount of time you might need to achieve that and how realistic that is given your resources, support and personal traits.

Is it still worth pursuing?

How to start showing up!

Now you need to work out how to start showing up in this area – starting with the type of skills you need to learn, perhaps the type person you need to become, and then the types of actions you need to take.

Understanding these things means you can make a step-by-step plan to get there on your terms, in your own time.

As you can see this process is not for the faint-hearted.  It is for people who are clear on what they desire and are willing to do the work to get there, acquiring support, confidence and skills as they go to reach the end.

Ready to start showing up?

If you need help with this process, or to learn how to self-coach, click here for more information on my self-coaching membership.

See you there!

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Episode 26: What is showing up and why do it?

What is Showing Up and Why Do It?

Showing up means investing 100% in an experience and participating fully, to the best of your ability. 

It means acting with personal integrity.

It means being committed and accountable to yourself and others.

It means setting and upholding your own moral and ethical standards.

It means taking action, being seen and putting yourself out there – no matter what.

So why should you show up and how does it work?

I’d like to start with a story of showing up.

Once upon a time, before I was a coach, I was the co-owner, director and principal scientist of an environmental consulting firm. We ran a tight and successful ship with 40 staff – but it wasn’t always that way.

When the CEO and I started the company, just the two of us, there was a lot of banter, discussion, casual conversation and a few arguments about how things should be done.

As we hired more staff and started to build and systemise our business, we got into this terrible habit of carrying our criticism and arguments over into team meetings and open work spaces.

We were sloppy about running regular staff meetings and sometimes showed up late.

And while the business was working, it was a hard slog and we were trying to lead 10 staff at that time in a unified and cohesive direction.

We recruited a new director and he pulled me aside one day and said a few quiet, calm words to the effect that ‘it’s probably not a good look for you and the other owner to criticise each other in front of the staff, or to complain about them when they’re not around.’

That conversation shifted my perspective 180 degrees.

I realised then that I needed to lead by example and that our current behaviour was the direct opposite of what we were trying to create.

Thank you David, for the life-changing moment.


And from that moment on, everything DID change.

I knew I had to start showing up and role modelling the values and behaviour we wanted to our company to stand for

I had to start showing up as a collaborative, empathetic leader.

From that point on, quite a few things changed.

I stopped complaining about the CEO and he stopped complaining about me.

We resolved our differences in private in a calmer way.

We got business coaches in to help us be better leaders.

We got conflict resolution and negotiation training for our growing team.

We set and held staff meetings at the same time, every week, consistently.

We started and finished our meetings and events on time.

We developed a strong brand.

We got uniforms.

We collaborated with the team to define our values, from which we set professional and personal standards.

These were all new things for me and for the CEO. It took some time and patience.

But what happened was it launched our business into a professional outfit that was respected in our industry.

We hired another 30 staff and we built from two specialised teams into six specialised teams with a competitive advantage in three key areas of biological science consulting.

So now, back to you.

Why should you show up?

Because if you set a big goal for your personal or professional life, you are probably going to have to develop new skills and become a different kind of person.

You need to learn how to respect yourself, and to think and act in a way that matches the calibre of person you are yearning to be.

At the day-to-day level, Those thoughts and actions might include:

Starting the day with a clear intention.

Making positive commitments to yourself.

Doing what you say you will do no matter what.

Being on time for appointments.

Finishing your appointments on time.

Being honest – not making excuses.

Setting boundaries in all areas of life.

Saying what you mean, and meaning what you say.

Striving for facts, not judgement.

Setting moral and ethical standards.

Asking for help when you need it.

Doing personal development work to help you change your behaviour, faster.

Setting aside judgement and learning empathy.

Becoming more flexible and agile.

Building resilience.

It sounds like a big list and yes, it will take time.

Maybe you’re good at some of these things already.

But if you really want something in your life – to lose 10kg, to become a better teacher, to run your own business or to simply stop doing the things you know are bad for you – this is your time.

Define where you want to show up.

Make your list of traits.

Then create a schedule of actions that you will do repeatedly to start becoming the person you want to be.

Ready to start showing up?

If you need help with this process, or to learn how to self-coach, click here for more information on my self-coaching membership.

See you there!