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Episode 108: AmIOK?

This episode is about taking care of your own mental well-being. 

 I want to start by talking about the RU OK campaign in Australia and then to talk about the need to manage our own mental well-being as well.


R U OK? is an organisation whose vision is a world where we’re all connected and are protected from suicide.

Their mission is to inspire and empower everyone to meaningfully connect with people around them and support anyone struggling with life.

Their goals are to: 

  1. Boost our confidence to meaningfully connect and ask about life’s ups and downs
  2. Nurture our sense of responsibility to regularly connect and support others
  3. Strengthen our sense of belonging because we know people are there for us
  4. Be relevant, strong and dynamic

I love that the RU okay campaign exists. It gives us all an opportunity to think about the people around us and consider how we can offer support. 

It means that we are proactively reaching out to check in with people and to help them to speak up about what’s going on for them so they can get help.

I had a conversation with somebody one-day who I knew was severely depressed and going through a major incident and I had reached out to say are you okay. 

It was a difficult conversation because I hadn’t yet trained as a coach and this person was very upset but I was concerned about their mental well-being so I did the best that I could with the skills that I had at the time. 

Months later that person phoned me and said they were considering suicide the day I had called – they were getting ready to do it – and the conversation we had stopped them from taking action and caused them to reach out for help. 

Truly, I was taken aback that the conversation had had such a powerful impact on that person and it made me thankful that I’ve been able to help but also concerned about my skills and education and knowledge in this area.

So where and how do you start getting these skills?

What if you’re not a coach or working in a support capacity but want some basic understanding and skills?

Mental Health First Aid

It’s worth mentioning the mental first aid course.

Several organisations deliver this course: Mental Health First Aid Australia says that: 

Each year 1 in 5 Australians will experience a mental illness. Many people are not knowledgeable or confident to offer assistance. Physical first aid is accepted and widespread in our community, however most do not cover mental health problems. Mental Health First Aid (MHFA) teaches people the skills to help someone who they’re concerned about.

What About Me?

All of this got me thinking recently about the fact that there are many campaigns that are outward directed – helping us to check in with the other people about their own mental health and well-being.

But just as important is the ability to be self-aware and identify our own mental health challenges.

As a coach, I know that one of the main reasons people hire coaches is simply that they lack self-awareness of how they are thinking and operating in the world, and what their habits are.

People are either too busy to notice themselves and reflect on their behaviour, needs and wants, OR, they notice an issue coming up for themselves but say ‘she’ll be right, I’ll just push through.’

The old ‘she’ll be right attitude’ is a mask that many Australians have been wearing for a long time.

In either case, most people simply don’t know HOW to check in with themselves or to ask for help.

They say, I’m okay, don’t worry about me, everything is fine. I don’t need any help, I’ll put on my big girl pants or I’ll pull up my boots and I’ll just get on with it. 

I can totally see how we came to be that way. That attitude comes from the hands-on, roll-up-your-sleeves, hard-working people who founded modern society in our nation.

Think about it – once upon a time, not that long ago, we were a nation of pioneers in a new country who travelled long distances, lived off the land and managed many hardships to establish towns and cities. We were the kind of people that pitched in and did things and got on with things and to build a great nation.

But these days, there is a changing of the guard.

We have the rise of Gen Y (with more of a values focus, in my opinion) as dominant players in the workforce and leadership positions. 

We have an increase in multiculturalism in our society, and a need to consider people with different cultures, ethics and values.

And we are giving more attention to well-being, health and mindfulness. 

With all of this going on, we are starting to realise that the old ‘she’ll be right attitude’ is a mask that many Australians have been wearing for a long time.

The old stigma around mental health issues, not wanting to show any weakness or to be judged, has to come off.

We have to learn how to ask for help.

But first of all, we must be self-aware enough, to know when we need to get that help.

AmIok – a new paradigm 

I propose a concept that sits alongside RUOK, to acknowledge that it’s just as important to check in with yourself rather than to ignore the warning signs and push through. 

I want to ask you to think about a new paradigm. 

The AmIOK paradigm. 

Certainly check in with the others and ask are you okay, but at the same time give yourself the attention to – how am I travelling? 

Am I ok? 

And if not, what do I need, how am I feeling, what’s my capacity, and what do I need to do differently? 

I had this experience myself recently. 

I noticed a few things were becoming difficult for me. 

I was starting to avoid certain situations and certain tasks that I didn’t like. 

Normally I can do tasks that I don’t like or don’t enjoy, but when I’m stressed, under a lot of pressure then I go into avoidance of those basic tasks. And to me that is a sign that I need to step back and check in with myself. 

Other signs that I need a break or to get help are that my cooking is boring, I’m not sleeping well, and I feel frustrated, and starting to look for more coffee.

Basically, I lose my enthusiasm and creativity. 

When those things start to ebb, I know it’s time to take a break or to get help.


RUOK is a wonderful initiative that helps us to lower the risk and rate of suicide, by reaching out to others.

It’s important to check in with yourself rather than to ignore the warning signs and push through. 

Mental Health First Aid is a great training course to gain basic skills.

I propose a new paradigm – AmIOK? – as a means of learning to give our own needs more attention and to get help sooner rather than later.

Ready to pay more attention to your own needs?

It’s OK to be not OK, but it doesn’t always have to be like that. If you need help to feel more in charge of your life, I encourage you to check out the Habitology membership.

Learn more here:

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Episode 29: 3 ways to be more accountable to yourself

If you are floundering with a goal, spinning your wheels and want to stop saying “it’s too hard,” there are three easy ways to build persistence and accountability that you can start right now.

The thing is, if you want to grow and change, you need to do the work to get there.

And sometimes, that daily work is hard, boring, dull or a nuisance, uncomfortable.

No matter who you ask, they’ll say that persisting toward a goal and being accountable to yourself along the way is tough at times.


It can be way easier to be accountable to others as your level of personal responsibility is much less in those situations.

Being more accountable to yourself means stepping up and taking responsibility, and accepting that certain things are not-negotiable.

The good news is that you CAN start showing up more in any area of your life.

It requires you to develop the skills of both persistence and accountability, and I’ve found three simple ways you can do that.

Note that these strategies will ONLY work if you have deep commitment to yourself in terms of the end-goal and the work required to get there, or, your daily habits (or both).

The three things that create better accountability to yourself, and therefore create persistence are:

1. Set clearer boundaries around the action

Boundaries include the things you need to say no to and the things you need to say yes to. They include consequences for saying yes or no.

So if you want to go to the gym three times, using rewards and penalties is a great way to improve your chance of actually doing it.

Maybe the reward is simply feeling better, or giving yourself a relaxing bath at the end.

Maybe the penalty is going without.

Make sure that the work you need to do, in this case the exercise, doesn’t feature in the penalty, because this would be counter-productive.

2. Plan and schedule your actions 

If you schedule your must-do actions into your diary, as if they were as important as any other responsibility in your life, they will more likely get done.

It’s great to have a plan to do certain tasks – scheduling them in realistic time slots makes them happen.

As boring as it sounds, this is one of the most effective ways to be more accountable to yourself. 

3. Measure your progress honestly and non judgmentally.

There is a saying that goes, “What gets measured gets done.”

Hand-written monitoring such as a food diary, a daily success journal, a daily reflection or a to-do list completed is the most effective way to create self-accountability.

Further, celebrating each win reinforces the value of your actions and builds self-confidence and self-worth.It reminds you why the next action is worth taking.

“What gets measured gets done.”

In summary

Being accountable to yourself means taking responsibility and accepting what is. 

The reward for being more accountable to yourself is persistence, consistency and ultimately, achieving goals. 

The easiest ways to become more accountable to yourself are to set clearer boundaries around your intended actions, to plan then actually schedule your actions, and to measure your progress honestly and non-judgmentally.

Yes, it’s incredibly simple and it gets results.

Ready to be more accountable to yourself?

Write something here that ties in with the topic for the podcast! If you’re truly ready to break old habits and get out of the rut I encourage you to check out the Habitology membership.

Learn more here: