How to stop failing and start showing up.
Is it just me, or does modern life seem to be littered with failure, angst and reactiveness?
Most of us are content and secure at a basic level in terms of our work, home, relationships, health and creative pursuits.
But if you want to make major changes in at least one of these areas, you need to learn how to give it your focus and to show up with commitment to the process of change.
The trouble is, showing up seems hard, but I think that’s mainly because we don’t identify what we truly want.
We are busy and we don’t really know our own minds so we tend to follow the masses.
And the end result is often an anticlimax because we are not pursuing what we truly want and believe in.
Why commit to the change process?
Most of us see someone who has gone through the journey – in the media or in real life – and they have achieved what seems to be an awesome outcome.
Let’s say you have met someone who lost 20kg over 12 months and has seemingly transformed their lives.
You see that success and you feel inspired, excited for them and amazed.
As a consequence of those feelings and that ‘proof’ that it’s possible to achieve such a goal, you might start to think how nice that would be to have that result and feel like that.
Then you might pick up a diet plan and an exercise DVD – without really contemplating your true commitment or desire, or having a realistic idea of what is required to get there.
And what you need to get there is grit – commitment, persistence and accountability to yourself, no matter what. You need courage and the willingness to overcome your fears.
But in the moment, you see a shiny object and race off half-cocked toward something you think you want, that you should pursue, or that would be nice to have.
If your heart isn’t in it, you will likely fail.
So right now, I’m going to invite you to put down the shiny object.
After all, shiny object syndrome is an SOS – a call for help.
Instead, I’m going to invite you to do a little soul-searching.
I’m going to take you through a process of defining what you want and then deciding whether it’s worth pursuing or not – enough that you could commit to focusing on it and persisting for long enough to get a result.
Here’s how it works.
Look at the wheel of life below.
Rate your satisfaction out of 10 for each area on the wheel. Notice how bumpy or smooth the wheel is, and which areas are higher or lower.
What stands out for you?
Now, see if any areas of your life rate less than 6/10. If they do, they are probably things that are important enough for you to do something about.
Pick ONE of those areas.
Now dig a little deeper.
What is it about that area that makes you unsatisfied?
How important is that to resolve on a scale of 1 – 10?
If your score is >7/10, then that area is probably important enough for you to pursue and persist with, no matter what.
The higher your importance rating, the more likely you will succeed.
Now get really clear and specific about the outcome you expect, the amount of time you might need to achieve that and how realistic that is given your resources, support and personal traits.
Is it still worth pursuing?
How to start showing up!
Now you need to work out how to start showing up in this area – starting with the type of skills you need to learn, perhaps the type person you need to become, and then the types of actions you need to take.
Understanding these things means you can make a step-by-step plan to get there on your terms, in your own time.
As you can see this process is not for the faint-hearted. It is for people who are clear on what they desire and are willing to do the work to get there, acquiring support, confidence and skills as they go to reach the end.
Ready to start showing up?
If you need help with this process, or to learn how to self-coach, click here for more information on my self-coaching membership.
See you there!